Reflections Archive
April 2008
April 2008
| March 31, 2008 Yesterday, at a women's conference, I spoke on how we all have things in our closets or on our shelves that are too precious to share so we never use them - and I drew the metaphor that this is like the gifts God has given us ... do we use them or are we waiting for them to be good enough first? When I was a little girl, I remember watching Little House on the Prairie. I loved the episode where "Caroline" shared the story of "Stone Soup" about how alone we don't have enough, but together we can make something beautiful. Well, God's given me songs to write down. Feeling like I'm not the best instrument to do the job, I've done nothing with them basically ... until recently. I had a vision years ago of turning on the TV and hearing someone sing one of my songs. The trick is - how do I get the music from my notebook on my piano to someone who would want to sing it? So began the journey. I'm doing my part - the best I can - and then going to contribute it to the "stone soup pot", hoping someone else will have the next part of the ingredients. What do you have to offer? What gifts have you been hording? Are you ready to share it with the body of Christ? |
Copyright by Destiny's House
Church
© 2006
Webmaster: Beth Gore
Created: November 2006
Last Updated: April 29, 2008
Church
© 2006
Webmaster: Beth Gore
Created: November 2006
Last Updated: April 29, 2008
| April 3, 2008 Why do people get sick? I’ve wondered that often, probably since I’ve been sick a lot in my life. Luke (4) was born with a hole in his heart and a lung condition. Since the heart hole was on the lung side – I just assumed they were linked. Sure enough, when he had his heart surgery, his coughing did improve … a little bit. Recently, I mentioned to the Cardiologist that his cough doesn’ t seem to be improving. She said, “That’s not related to Cardio.” Uh-Oh … then Houston, we have a problem! For 4 ½ years, I’ve discounted that symptom as related to his heart. If it’s not, then I’ve just been ignoring this for almost 5 years. Enter Mommy Guilt. His Pediatrician put him on a medication. Immediate improvement! Until the rash … an allergic reaction to the drug. So we get him off and he has a rash and his cough is back in full swing. The next day, he gets a 101 fever (very rare for him) and is just “wilty”. GREAT! Now I’ve made him worse! He’s not improving so back to the Pediatrician. He is sleeping all the time, has lost weight, has an ear infection and a bladder infection, a rash, a 104 fever and a cough as I write this. Sigh … I’ve run out of guilt. I began to think … here I am in the middle of this mystery. I know that someday I’ll have the answer. He WILL recover. But he doesn’t know this. He’s asked if he will be sick forever. In the middle of our trials, we sometimes get a lot worse before we get better. We may lose perspective and wonder if ever we’ll get out. But God … He KNOWS! He sees the end of the story. So when you’re in the middle of a trial, ask for a “God’s Eye View” of the problem. He may just give it to you. Take comfort in knowing you are in the Palm of His Hand! |
| April 4, 2008 Luke is still sick so I’m reminiscing. In January 2003, right after we lost Anthony, it was a very sad time in my life. Such emptiness. Our bedroom was so quiet. One night I had this dream that Jacob and Kaley’s birthmother was pregnant and we were going to be offered the baby. The feeling was so strong. I had the dream several other times before I even mentioned it to Dan. I remember telling him, “I’m either crazy or I’m right.” This feeling became so strong, I even began telling other people. Early March 2003, I get a phone call from Sam’s social worker. He said, “You’re never going to believe this, but Sam’s birthmother is pregnant.” I about lost it. I was right, just got the wrong birthmother. We didn’t know when she was due, if the baby was a boy or girl or if the baby would be offered to us. Out of the clear blue on May 10, I had such an antsy feeling. I kept saying to Dan, “I think the baby is born.” I had no idea when or where she would deliver. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling. So I did the unthinkable. I made a phone call. There are dozens of hospitals in our area. I called one. I asked the receptionist to connect me with the birthmother (I knew her name) in Maternity. Next thing I know the line is ringing in the room and someone answers. I quickly hung up … afterall, what would I say??? Turns out, he had been born about 12 hours before. On May 12, I get the phone call from the Social worker that the baby had been born. (He probably wondered why I wasn’t more surprised.) He couldn’t go pick up the baby, could I? Of course! So I take Jacob and Kaley to the hospital with me. We go to the maternity ward and look at all the babies through the window. I’m immediately drawn to this one baby … but it had a different name on it … so that couldn’t be him. I look around. I still keep being drawn to him. The nurse walks over to that crib, picks up the baby I’ve been eyeing and motions for me to come in. It was him!! Later, I found out they’d put a fake name so birthfamily couldn’t identify him. But ironically, I found him! There’s so much more about that day I’ll add at some point. But I think … I knew my child. I knew he existed in the spirit way before I knew he existed in the physical. I knew when he was born and where he was. I knew which one he was in the middle of the crowd. A mere mortal knew all this. And we dare question if God knows what is best for His children. |
| April 5, 2008 walking, talking, interacting. Then the very second my butt hits a chair … kids flock from every corner of the house. Each one needs me right that very second. It’s as if an alarm sounded in their heads and says, “Mom is getting comfortable. Must not let that happen.” Once they find me sitting, they want to climb up in my lap and just spend time with me. Talk, read, whatever. I love those moments. The REAL problem with these butt sensors is: The alarm sounds if my hiney comes in contact with a toilet. I might not have seen my children for an hour but if my hiney sits on a potty, then every single one of them instantly is in some kind of dire emergency … that cannot possibly be resolved without me. Oh, and locking the door doesn’t work. My children have figured out how to unlock a door with a butter knife. They did this one day. When I asked why they unlocked my door, they said, “You accidentally locked the door Mommy. We thought you needed help.” Yeah right … do they think I was born yesterday? Do any of you know how to disarm these butt sensors? I dream of a day when I can pee without an audience. Then I realize … that day will probably come all too soon. There will come a day when the kids are self-sufficient and don’t need me as much. There will probably be a time when I will pee in peace and actually be saddened. I’m sure God is never bothered by our needing Him. I’m sure He is always happy when we barge in, no matter what He is doing at the time. So barge in on Him … any time, day or night. Crawl up in His lap. There’s nothing He’d rather do than spend time with you. Do you believe that? |
| April 7, 2008 Facebook. Dan has been trying to get me on there for weeks now (since he joined). I caved. Long lost friends are popping up out of the woodworks. I found two of my college roommates, a former boss, several friends ... all of which I haven't heard from in about 20 years. There was even a video of a Choir I was in Freshman year and our Spring Break trip to Florida. So strange to see how the years have changed us all. Some look the same, some way different. I found a section about who has died from our college. Sobering to say the least. I found it very touching to see the tributes of lives cut off way too young and the legacy they left behind. In catching up with long lost friends, I discovered something about myself ... I've changed ... a lot. I look a lot different - 20 years can do that to a person. I have a few wrinkles I didn't have back then. I have 10 more pounds I carry than I used to. But overall, I think I look better than I did back then. I had no clue who I was back then. I had no opinion for myself. I was so scared to make mistakes that I didn't really live life. Today, shaped by life experiences, I can honestly say I know who I am! On Facebook, they have a place where you type a bit about yourself. I put: a high energy, intense/passionate person who feels like she is just getting the hang of life and getting to know who she is and why she is on the planet. Pretty much sums it up. So what about you?? Are you the same person you were 20 years ago? How have you changed? Do you like the person you are? I think about the legacy I'm writing every day. Some days are easier than others. But overall, what message about me, life, God, etc. am I leaving to my children and to the world? Is it the one I want to be leaving? If not, what am I going to do about it? What about you? What is your legacy? |
| April 10, 2008 been about trying to take care of those who have no voice ... especially the children - like the pre-born, the foster children, the orphans. We've done lots of ministries over the years in our church - formal and not, to support these causes. Afterall, what is Matthew 25 speaking about? Clothe, feed, visit ... you certainly do all that when you take in a foster child. Or James 1:27? Pure religion. Recently, I found an organization called Christian Alliance for Orphans. You'll never guess their "motto" ... "speak for those who cannot speak for themselves". I just KNEW that was a God thing! Destiny's House Church has applied for membership into this group. Today I got an email saying that for a church to become a member, we have to have an orphan care ministry. Did we? Truth is ... we do ... we always have. It's just such a part of the overall ministry ... it never occurred to me to include it as something we do. Just like I'd not think to include "we do baptisms, funerals, weddings, prayer, etc." on our website. But it got me thinking ... just because *I* think of this as a part of EVERY ministry, doesn't mean it is. Therefore, point taken. We now have a page called "Orphan Care Ministry". It's still under construction. Please feel free to submit ideas that need to be included in this page - including things we already do that I haven't listed OR things you'd like to see included in our ministry. There are so many orphans who need our help. We all just need to do our part and help one at a time. In talks I give sometimes on the subject, I tell the story of the Starfish. Perhaps you've heard it. Story goes: a man was walking along the beach where there were thousands of starfish washed up. One at a time, he picked one up and tossed it back into ocean so it could survive. Another man questioned him, "Why are you doing this - there are thousands and you could never make a difference." The first man picks up another one and says, "But I can make a difference to this one." Choose to make a difference, one life at a time! |
| April 11, 2008 teach a kid to share and then they do! I haven't had a flu in probably 10 years ... so I was due. 102 plus fever, migraine, stuffy nose ... you know ... "the works". Yesterday, my fever was gone but I was still quite weak. We were out of everything so I headed out to Walmart. Lugging groceries for a family of 7 is hard enough when I'm well so I knew it would be a challenge while still a bit under the weather. I decided to take Jacob. He's 9 and quite helpful. He's large for his age and he can push the buggy even fully loaded. He can help me load groceries on the belt, into the cart and into the van. Perfect solution. For those who know him, he is a non-demanding, non-assuming child. He has the heart of gold ... so willing to obey and please. With 4 younger brothers and sisters, he often doesn't get a lot of special one on one attention. He's always the last to get a turn, first to give up something. So there we were in Walmart. It's not crowded. We round this corner and notice a free sample of a new trail mix bar. Normally, I’ d avoid that like the plague. 5 little kids swarming the poor lady, the look in her eye, the kids begging “can we buy this please, please?” It’s just soooo not worth it. But today, it was just Jacob with me. So I say, “Would you like to taste that?” “May I?” he says happily. “Sure!” He says to the lady “may I have one?” As he reaches out to take one, he has the biggest grin on his face and the woman YELLS AT MY SON! “Where are your parents????” and pulls the sample away from him. (It’s a good thing I had very little energy or I’m not sure what kind of ruckus I would have started.) I’m standing RIGHT THERE! within arm’s distance. I’m the one talking to him. I’m the one directing him to take one. There’s no one else around. So I say loudly, “I am”. She hands it back to him with a dirty look on her face and Jacob slinks off. You have to know Jacob to understand this … but he thinks he did something wrong at this point. He’s afraid to eat it. He apologizes to me. To which I about break down. I have a tear in my eye as I tell him, “You did nothing wrong. You’re a great boy. Please eat your treat. Enjoy it.” It takes a bit of convincing that he wasn’t in trouble, afterall, that lady was quite rude to him. For those of you who don’t know us … I’m a 6foot blonde and Jacob is African American. I guess that can be some sort of “excuse” for the misunderstanding. Perhaps the lady was just having a bad day. Maybe she’s used to kids snatching and she’s decided to put an end to it. I can probably make a lot of excuses for her. But Jacob is my concern. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to teach Jacob to assert himself and to ask for what he needs. All I know is that what was a nice moment turned into a disaster … all because someone didn’t take a moment. In one of the courses I teach, I tell people about the moment of decision. We usually just act or react … typically out of habit. But if we don’t like the results, we can, in that moment of decision, make a new and better choice. So what about you? Do you react? Or do you choose wisely your words and reactions? Proverbs tells us to guard our heart for out of it proceed the issues of life. There’s power of life and death in our tongue. What are you going to speak today? Life or death? |
| April 13, 2008 of laundry. They just wake up one day, face the piles and piles of laundry and say, “There has got to be a better way.” I have considered my options … and this one seems viable. After being sick for a week, I’m just overwhelmed with the piles. It’s either move, buy new clothes or go naked. Kids, what do you say? Let’s talk laundry. At our house, this is a never ending chore. It never ceases to amaze me how much laundry 7 people can produce. I have just a small washer and dryer so each load is micro. (I need to look into that.) So every day, each person wears pjs, a shirt, pants, socks and undies. How can that produce so much laundry? There’s the towels. The linens. (Some of our kids still have accidents.) The kitchen towels. Pool clothes and pool towels. On a normal week, I can keep up. But this week … everyone was sick, including me. By the time I felt well enough to open my eyes, the laundry was up to my eyeballs! And what about socks? Does anyone dislike socks as much as I do? I think they should be outlawed. Sandals! God’s gift to weary mothers. I got to thinking about all the mundane tasks a mother does on a daily basis … laundry, dishes, cook, clean, make beds, blah blah blah. Repeat the next day. And sometimes I just get tired of it all. Then I consider God. Aren’t you glad HE doesn’t get tired of the mundane tasks He has to do every day? He rotates the earth, feeds the sparrows of the field, makes a sunrise and sunset all across the land, continues to speak us in existence just to name a few things. And He still has enough time and patience to hear every prayer prayed. I’ll consider this the next time I contemplate my family becoming nudists, just to avoid laundry. |
| April 2, 2008 Today was the first day I felt it warm enough for the kids to swim in our backyard pool. We officially “closed” it for the season at the end of October. So it’s been about 5 months. Knowing my kids like I do, I told them they’d have to show me they could swim across the shallow end before I’d let them loose in the deep end, just to make sure they remember all the skills necessary. One by one they tried it and demonstrated to me they could do it. Within minutes, they were basically back to the skill levels they were last Fall. It got me thinking about the skills we have. There are those we don’t use on a regular basis. I wonder if God gives us chances to show we remember how before we’re ‘let loose’ again. If my kids had been swimming all winter, there would have been no lag time of re-acquiring skills. Instead, they would actually have been further along. I know by the end of swimming season, they will have mastered all sorts of new skills – way beyond where they are right now. What about you? Do you need to jump back in the pool? Do you have skills you haven’t used in a while? If so, I suggest you start back in the shallow end. Get wet by trying out a few things. Before you know it, you’ll be back in the deep end. You’ll even be learning new skills in no time. Dive in. |
| April 21, 2008 convincing him not to get the flu we had … failed. One of the kid’s favorite things to do when they’re sick is to hear stories of when they were little. By age 4-5, most kids come up with many, many things they want to be when they grow up. But not Sam. He’d never expressed interest in anything … until one day. We were having dinner with Uncle Daniel who was explaining what he did. Then one by one, the kids told him what they wanted to be when they grew up. Sam pipes up, “I know what I want to be when I grow up.” Well, my ears perked up as this will be his first announcement. “I want to be a chicken!” he states proudly. “What was that hon?” I gasp. “A chicken. I want to be a chicken.” “Oh, that’ s what I thought you said.” You have to realize, I’m a motivational speaker. I have high, high hopes for my children. No matter how I look at this … this cannot be good! Does he mean this metaphorically, that he wants to be scared of life, i.e., a chicken? OR does he mean the crazy bird that runs around a farm and eventually gets eaten? See how this is not a good thing? A few weeks later, we’re driving and I notice a guy holding up a sign for a restaurant. He’s waving and wearing a chicken suit. Sam yells, “That’s it. I want to be a chicken like that.” Ohhhh … the guy in a chicken suit. Better. About a year later, Sam announces out of the clear blue one day. “I don’t want to be a chicken now.” “You don’t?” I ask full of hope. “I realized someone might catch me and cut me up into chicken nuggets.” The logic of a 5 year old never ceases to amaze me, but at this point, I’m thankful that maybe he will do bigger and better things with his life. Whew! Catastrophe averted. I think back to all the things I wanted to be when I grew up. I think of all the things I’ve become and still will become. I wonder how many times God just held His breath and waited it out, knowing eventually I’d see things differently. But more importantly, I wonder what God sees in me right now that He wants me to become? What about you? What does God want YOU to be when you grow up? The other day, Luke says, “Hey Mama. When I grow up, I want to be a dinosaur.” Here we go again! |
| April 23, 2008 late. Dan and I went for years without health insurance. Afterall, we were young, healthy … and poor. Since we’ve been married, we have never worked for employers who have offered health insurance. So we decide to do the “responsible” thing and get coverage. Self-employed people don’t get good coverage. Period. We shop around and find a semi-decent program. Besides, we rarely (hear never) need it. Then it came time to adopt Zoe. I knew she would need regular checkups, may need a surgery or two by her teen years, etc. Her medicals from China say she was in no need of further surgeries. (But I knew better.) So I hunted. I was told I had the absolute BEST that could be for self-employed. We stayed with what we had. Long story short – Zoe came home a LOT sicker than expected. She had several surgeries immediately upon coming home, just to get her out of immediate pain. Well worth it. The problem is … after the deductible, we pay 50% of everything. Unless the insurance denies the claim then it’s even more. OUCH So I went hunting. I found a way better program … on my own … through our existing insurance company!! Why the heck didn’t they tell me of this program when I was asking for it????? We applied for it. They said we’d know in 30 days. 9 ½ weeks later we get a denial letter. What? Seems THEIR clerical error at the beginning has now cost us good health insurance. (Groan) They even want to kick her off our existing plan … thankfully I know they are not allowed to do that (I talked to an attorney). It’s just a scare tactic. Aren’t you super glad that God isn’t so petty? Aren’t you happy that Jesus doesn’t discriminate His Salvation or His healing only to those who asked the right questions or filled out the form correctly? Aren’t you thrilled God isn’t miserly in His grace and forgiveness and mercy and love? Best insurance policy I could ever have! And to think … no monthly premiums. |
| April 29, 2008 A very, very long time ago … I wrote a children’s book about a journey in foster care. Basically – a mama loves a baby, mama gets sick so baby goes to foster care. Foster family love baby, baby bonds. Mama gets better. Baby gets to go home but is now torn since loves 2 families. Foster mom releases him. To me, this is the “best case” scenario. Everyone loves this child, the system works like it’s supposed to … and yet there’s still collateral damage. (This book is at the printer, to be ready for sale in the next week or so!) Along with the book is a song I’ve written to correspond with the story. Plus, I thought it would be nice to have a DVD slideshow with the words being read … for the little ones who cannot read yet. All this will be included with each book. Next, I’ve written a song called “Someone Pick Me”. It’s about those – whether in foster care or waiting to be adopted, that have not been claimed yet. I’ve made this into a music video of sorts with photos of children who are already adopted. Hopefully, it pulls at the heartstrings. To see that video, click the link: "Someone Pick Me" Finally, there are numerous other songs on a CD for related type subjects. I decided to get this all together … finally … as I’m headed to the Cry of the Orphan Summit in Ft. Lauderdale. I don’t know if I’ll have the opportunity to show these to anyone or not, but I’m going to be prepared just in case. Funny hat will kick you in the butt and get your gears into action. I’m looking forward to the Summit … to exchange ideas, get some new direction/thoughts for our Orphan care ministry, to talk with people with like interests … all good things. comes out of this new venture. When I return, I'm looking forward to having the CDs and book all ready to go and some Church Conferences set up. |
| To see Reflections from May-October 2008 |
| To see Reflections from November08- August 09 |
| To see Reflections from April 2008 |
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